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Feelings often begin as bodily sensations, serving as signals from the bottom up, nudging us with a message: "Hey, pay attention, something is happening here!" It might manifest as a flutter in your belly or a general sense of unease, indicating that something isn't quite right. Our task is to heed these signals, granting ourselves the focus, time, and space to acknowledge the feelings or sensations, then employing our thinking brain to comprehend them. More often than not, however, we disregard the feelings’ significance and rely instead on thinking to untangle things. Yet, by doing so, we overlook a valuable source of information. A common experience among many with ADHD is that one’s thinking process can be hindered by uncertainty, overwhelm, indecision, and a lack of trust in their own judgment. While the specific reasons behind these challenges warrant a more comprehensive discussion, it's important to note that researchers have identified difficulties with self-regulation and the functioning of the executive functions part of the brain in individuals with ADHD. These factors may significantly contribute to the struggles experienced by those with ADHD in various aspects of their lives. They tend to create a negative cycle of self-doubt, feelings of incompetence and thus a lack of confidence. Breaking the cycle of negative reinforcement is crucial. It requires a realignment so new possibilities, thinking patterns and perspectives can take shape. Body-based or somatic coaching, with "soma" referring to the interplay between the body and brain, provides a powerful approach. We utilize the breath as a vehicle to center ourselves and redirect attention inward, quieting the noise of our busy minds and tuning into the body's sensations. The vagus nerve, which traverses throughout the body, plays a crucial role in this process. It transmits signals from the sensory organs of the viscera to the brain, where sensations are processed, emotions are articulated into words, and self-awareness has the opportunity to flourish. By engaging with this bodily intelligence, individuals can deepen their understanding of themselves and foster a more profound sense of self-awareness and emotional clarity. The negative cycle is disrupted. Actions can become more self-directed rather than an autonomic response to unregulated emotions (avoidance, procrastination, anxiety).By establishing experiences of success and satisfaction, in place of dwelling on regrets and self-recrimination, feelings of competence are nurtured, reinforcing a sense of confidence and empowerment. This positive reinforcement cycle can lead to transformative growth and a more fulfilling life experience for individuals with ADHD.

It is said that clutter is the physical representation of decisions unmade. That is profound to me. One of the first questions new clients ask is, “What do I do with it all?” They don’t know how to decide what to keep, what to let go of, where to donate, if something has value, what is trash. At first I was puzzled by this question. I thought, “Well, just get rid of what you don’t want or use anymore.” Not that simple! First off, letting go for many is a very challenging process. Truthfully, I think it is more normal than not. There are the “what if” thoughts…what if I need it, what if the one I am using breaks, what if I lose the weight again? The struggle is based in the fear of not having what we need when (if) we need it. Then there is financial frugality…“I paid a lot of money for that”, “it is wasteful if I don’t use it”. Feelings of regret creep in for having spent money on something never used or guilt for discarding something that may have a purpose someday…maybe. Of course there is the big one… sentimental attachment. It is hard to let go of things that hold emotional meanings, attachment to people, or memories. It feels sacrilegious, like we are throwing the person or memory away, never to be had again. So, with all these mental gymnastics, no wonder clutter abounds. It is easier to avoid making the decisions rather than feeling the yucky feelings involved in the process. In comes acceptance. Acceptance that much of that thinking comes from listening to the voices of the past or other people’s values, not our own. Accepting that it is OK to listen to one’s own truth…the truth about what we really need, use or value. It might still be a struggle and feel yucky, but acceptance helps build our tolerance of that yuck. I was speaking with a client today who is working hard to move beyond her hoarding behaviors. Her goal is to make her home safe and ordered and to eventually move to a much smaller home. She described how she is more in a “reality zone.” In that zone, she feels more accepting of what she has to let go of in order to make these goals a reality. She is accepting that her old thinking patterns are not working. In turn, such acceptance has opened the door for her to recognize what she does value. For example, she recognized that most of her clothes were worn and she felt embarrassed to wear them. Connecting with what felt right for her, she was able to let go of a large trash bag of clothes. This is in sharp contrast to holding on to those clothes, out of fear of not having enough, despite her dislike of them or what shape they were in. What thought patterns are holding you back from letting go? Can you accept they aren’t working for you anymore?

Many of my clients are very creative individuals. I admire how expansive they think and what they can make with their hands and minds. But they are challenged by the more mundane requirements of adulthood and family life…like opening mail, filing papers, paying bills, submitting health insurance claims, being on time, making house repairs, or just remembering to buy milk. As a result, these individuals with good hearts and a desire to do what is right often feel they don’t match up. They feel shame for not being able to perform as others want them to and as our productivity driven society expects. This describes the predicament individuals with ADHD often find themselves in, but they don’t own the market on this struggle. What enables a person to take action on tasks that feel so unexciting? What is the motivation or pay off, when there are so many other more interesting things to do? For me, the value lies in completing tasks that ensure my security and sanity. That motivates me. I realize that if I don’t pay my bills I will lose my good credit rating. If I don’t manage the paper influx, I may miss an important deadline. But for many, the avoidance of doing the mundane overrides any such motivation or consequences. The “just do it” approach has some merit, but also has its limitations. It may inspire an action once or twice, but that is not enough. However, committing to “just doing it” repeatedly, could develop into a routine which in turn establishes a habit. What is a Habit? A habit is doing something that doesn’t take much effort. For example, brushing teeth is a routine that becomes a habit. Most do it at least twice a day, without much effort or thought. What other tasks can become so routine, that you don’t think much about doing them? Once you have picked a couple out, try answering the ‘where, how and when questions’ to decide the elements of your routine. For example, I have a morning routine, of which I have grown very accustom. After brushing my teeth, I make my coffee and turn on my laptop. Coffee in hand, I review my email and schedule to determine what tasks I can get done that day or week. I have often considered exercising first thing in the morning, but have come to the conclusion that my morning ‘review and regroup’ routine is a necessity for me. This routine helps me maintain my sanity and be clear about what I need to get done and can get done that day. I am then free to make space for exercise or other more personally satisfying activities. If being creative is part of what helps you feel sane, turn those mundane tasks into a daily routine, to free up the time and energy to activate your creative self, without looming reminders of undone tasks. Now that I have completed this task of writing a blog, I can start that sewing project, which I find much more enticing.

Why as a Professional Organizer do I take it upon myself to encourage clients to complete a Last Will and Testament? Because over the years I have learned it is a task that lands at the top of the “things I avoid” list. Helping clients get organized involves more than cleaning up piles of clutter or re-organizing spaces. The work naturally ventures into how time is managed and how tasks get done. Often the struggle managing time and getting things done is the root cause of the disorganization. Also helping clients be prepared for unexpected events; a natural disaster, an emergency, a death, is what we organize for. Why make a will? Can’t the state handle it? Can’t the kids take care of it all when I am gone? Yes, but do you want the state to and should the children have to? There are number of reasons to have a will: So the people you want to receive your assets, do and in the amounts you want To appoint a guardian for minor children To appoint an executor to handle the estate affairs per your wishes To make a difficult time less difficult So your heirs can avoid a lengthy probate process (all estates go through probate, a will speeds up the process) Without a will, your estate is divided up based on state rules. The wrong party may get all the money! To minimize estate taxes To make gifts and donations All good reasons, but then why do people still procrastinate? I am talking people of all economic levels, age groups and backgrounds. This is pretty much a universal phenomenon. When I explain Stephen Covey’s Four Quadrants to clients we focus on two of the quadrants: Quadrant 1 (Q1) = Urgent & Important Quadrant 2 (Q2) = Not Urgent & Important The problem is when people hang out in Q1, spending their valuable time putting out fires and getting motivated by the urgency of a task. Considering the possibility of dying does not take up much conscious space, I can safely say it is not an item in Q1, nor Q2. If we want to operate without the stress and limitations of urgency, Q2 is where we aspire to be...planning, making thoughtful choices and fostering relationships. Drawing up a will is something to plan for; it involves choices and involves relationships. Procrastination and the unwillingness to accept death get challenged with the recognition that completing a will is an important Q2 task - it is important and should not be urgent. We want to get it done before it becomes too late. I recommend that clients see an estate attorney. You can get a will for less online, however after listening to an experienced estate attorney speak about all the considerations unique to each family’s situation, I would be concerned that the online program wouldn’t know all the questions to ask to get a thorough plan in place. In addition to the Living Will, you will also want to complete a Power of Attorney, Health Care Directive, Health Care Proxy, and list your funeral and burial preferences. I also recommend preparing a list of important family, friends and professionals who will want to know about each other in the execution of your estate. Besides listing your attorney, health care proxy, executor, guardian, you can also identify your accountant, financial advisor, and realtor. All people who know you and can help family navigate the estate process during such a difficult time. A client shared a phrase her mother used, “to put things in dying order.” She knew she could rest easy, knowing her affairs were in such order.

I am a fan of TED talks. Recently I was inspired by Laura Venderkam’s “How to Gain Control of Your Free Time”, in which she shifts the “I’m too busy” Sisyphean mindset to an “I have the time” perspective. The talk wasn’t about random tips or tricks claiming they would magically solve our struggles with time. She wisely suggested that instead of being stuck in the mindset that we are just too busy to find the time, we decide what is important and create the time in our lives to do it. Ms. Venderkam gave the example of a “very busy woman” who had to put her broken water heater before anything else. Despite her busyness, she found the 6 hours required to get it replaced. Therefore, if we are able to find the time to deal with things like emergencies or distractions, we can find the time for that which has value to us. Similarly, I recently had a leak in my washing machine. I had to schedule two mornings for repairmen to diagnose and repair the problem. Before that happened, I felt I had lots to do and little time to do it, yet I opened up a total of 4 hours for this project. The point being, we can control how we spend our time, if we treat our priorities like I did getting the washing machine fixed. In fact saying, “I don’t have the time” means that it is not a priority. The Big Picture So often we list the things in front of us that need to get done, but lose sight of the big picture, of our goals, our aspirations. We keep saying, "I’ll get to that in my spare time." Well if we do have spare time, the likelihood is that we are going to relax! For years I had the goal of exercising regularly, however never found the time. After much soul searching and experimentation, I have realized that I can find the time and I can adjust my schedule accordingly and my world doesn’t fall into chaos. I shifted from the “I don’t have the time” mindset to “I am making the time.” To create the time for what we need or want, Ms. Venderkam suggests to identify 2-3 priorities in each of these categories – career, relationships, self – by thinking ahead to next year’s performance review and next year’s holiday letter. What amazing things do you want to say you accomplished? What actions become priority in order to succeed? Once identified, honor them by putting them into your schedule first. Pick the same time each week to plan that out, to make room for the good stuff. I can no longer claim, “I don’t have the time”. I do and you do, if we want something bad enough. “We have power to fill our lives with the things that need to be there”, Ms. Venderkam reminds us.

There are a few times a year that feel transitional. Spring time symbolizes renewal, birthdays earmark another year older, certain religious holidays spark self-reflection and January represents a starting over. For me, that means clearing out household & personal management files from the prior year and setting up my systems for the next. It can be a tricky transition to go from all the holiday pre-occupation and festivities to Jan 2, when we are off and running again. In the past it could sometimes be February before I recovered and thought to reset my systems. For many others they never do a reset and get swamped by the old, unneeded materials. Doing things Differently This year, vowing to do it differently, I got started on my reset during the slower days between Christmas and the New Year. The task is still in progress, but this is what my new year’s reset involves: Setting up my new planner and/or calendar (whether paper or electronic) with the next years meetings, school schedule, appointments, etc. Ordering a wall calendar – just so I can remind myself what the date is! Purging my files of last year’s bills & determining what needs to be kept and what needs to be shred or recycled. Gathering all supporting paper documents for the prior year taxes; bank statements, investment year end statements and other documents the IRS would want to see should they decide to audit me. (Check out the record retention list under the Tip of the Month box on the home page.) Gathering all supporting documents that are digital into a file folder for that years taxes and backing it up on a flash drive or in the cloud. This is the same as keeping paper documents required by the IRS. I recommend having all your digital documents in your possession. If you count on a company holding them for you, make sure you understand their record retention policies. Preparing my tax materials to give to my accountant by mid-February. Clearing out files of any miscellaneous papers that may have been useful at one time, but are no longer relevant. Replacing worn folders in my filing system. Setting up new folders for any new accounts or projects (both paper and electronic). Determining what information I am comfortable changing to paperless, and establishing a routine for whatever action is necessary for that information. Once my tax returns are complete, archiving them along with the required supporting documents in my archive filing system (which is separate from my current reference and active file system). Other yearly review for January may include (although I am happy to get it done by the end of February) Reviewing investments with my financial planner. Reviewing my will and health care proxy documents for any necessary updates. Reviewing credit reports by going to www.annualcreditreport.com, the recommended source for a free credit report, authorized by the federal government. Are you ready to get started on your reset?

When I discuss with my clients their interest in going paperless, I ask them certain questions to determine their readiness to do so. We know it is a good for the environment and for the companies who benefit by lessening their printing and mailing costs; however going paperless means change in the status quo. It means considering a new way to track the actions such documents signify. Those used to having paper in hand may find the adjustment to digital unsettling. Particularly for those who suffer from the “out of sight out of mind” phenomenon. Since the process of getting organized can involve many adjustments; such as learning a new filing system, trying on new routines, and following through on tasks (basically learning how to do the right thing at the right time), it can be too great of a change to let go of paper at the same time. The Details When going paperless the devil is in the details. For example, a paperless system usually involves receiving an email saying, “your invoice is ready” or “your statement is available for download”. So, what do you do then? Some clients print out the email! This obviously defeats the purpose. Some get distracted from what they were doing and feel compelled to pay the bill right away. Some think they will get back to it, but then forget. So the detail is planning how to track those emails and when to respond…another new system and routine to learn. For example, imagine you decide you will pay your bills once a month on a specific day. That means searching your email for all the invoices (unless you had the forethought to create a folder for such emails). The next action is to go to an online bill pay system – either your bank or direct to the company’s website. That may seem easy for many, but for those who struggle with focus, attention and sequencing, this task may feel just too detailed and daunting. Plus there is a password to remember as well. Besides bills, another common place to go paperless is with investment statements and all the information the company is required by law to provide you; for example, the prospectus that only a few have enough knowledge to read and understand. So, I suggest at least log into your investment company’s website and select “go paperless” with all except the statements. If you feel ready to take on the job of downloading the statements, so you have them in your own computer files, then go paperless all the way. If you think you are not yet likely to do this, continue getting the paper statements and transaction confirmations, until you are. Lastly, did you notice that you are not receiving yearly retirement Social Security statements anymore? That is because Social Security is “going green”. You can still request a paper copy, but you can also create an account at www.ssa.gov and have online access to your estimated retirement benefits at any time. So instead of feeling that you should go paperless out of guilt... do so when you feel ready to make the mental shift, do it gradually and figure out how best to track the information without having the existence of paper to rely on.

Before the pandemic hit, no one anticipated how many would suddenly find themselves with time on their hands. Time to tackle the projects that had otherwise been delegated to doing in one’s proverbial, “free time.” Seizing on this phenomenon, a plethora of well-meaning “how to” tips have popped up in email newsletters, social media and online news sites. Naturally, we are curious about enticing titles that suggest simple and number specific solutions to our getting things done challenges. Titles like “7 Tips to Make the Most of Your Day” grab our attention, which is what they are meant to do. For many, such “how to” tips may be helpful. Those are the people that the phrase “just do it” makes sense. No big deal. They are usually the lucky neuro-typical brains that think linearly. I am a linear thinker. I can start a task, figure out the logical steps and complete it. Maybe not as efficiently as planned or hoped, but I am able to monitor myself and adjust the course of action as needed. To act on the tips, one needs to decide when to start, remember at that time to start, and be able to resist the temptation to put it off for another day. For my clients with ADHD or executive functioning challenges this can be a tall order. They can be stymied by what to do first, may worry whether they will do it right, and get side-tracked or lose interest along the way. So, the articles that tout the list of “how to” tips become a reminder of good intentions gone haywire or imply standards of functioning they fall short of achieving. The Gap The gap between the good intentions and acting on them is what we explore in ADHD coaching. As an ADHD Life Coach, I do not give my clients advice. What makes sense to my linear thinking brain, is not necessarily right for them, particularly if what motivates them or what they feel capable of, is not considered. Instead, the exploration with my clients involves building on one’s self-awareness, recognizing unhelpful perspectives and understanding the impact of their ADHD or executive function challenges. Armed with that knowledge, actions are designed to fit who they are, such as ways to start, stay on track, evaluate, shift gears as needed, and eventually complete. This is learning the process of doing and completing. It is appreciating that experiencing trial and error is where the “how to” is understood. If one struggles to even start, there is little experience in the doing and therefore little opportunity to build positive reference points that can serve to guide and inspire future endeavors. To support this learning, we remain curious about the doing or not doing. We do not judge actions as failures or reward only successes. Instead, we want to build confidence in one’s own sense of competence. So, this is why I cringe over articles that list tips. They impart good information but miss the need that many have for learning how to get to the doing.